use real butter

I met Linnea’s mother today when we took the roast beef, mashers, and potstickers over. She gave me a hug. That poor woman. It’s one thing to lose your child, but to see her die so violently before your eyes and be helpless to do anything - I would imagine it is a mother’s worst nightmare. We’ve offered up our guest floor to anyone who needs it, so I think they’ll be sending some folks over tomorrow. I like the way our guest room and bath are on a completely separate floor. Gives us all privacy and allows them to go in and out as they need. I’ve signed up to cook a few meals for Marcus and the kids over the next months.

rolling the dumpling skins

I learned that our neighbor was a champion speed skater and cyclist. I’m talking national champion speed skater at age 16. And she won time trials while she was on the US national cycling team. I never even knew. I still hear her soft spoken voice telling me that she just finished reading the book by Patagonia’s founder and to come over and borrow it anytime.

folding dumplings

ready to cook

My mom told me, “JenJen, you help your neighbor, okay? Because so many people were kind to us when JiehJieh [Kris] died. We can never repay them. We have to help others in need.” My mom has always been incredibly charitable. She basically verbalized this unrealized urgency I was feeling. Or maybe I just want to contribute because I feel so helpless when someone has died. Or maybe because it gave me comfort to see the outpouring of love when my sister was killed - to know that people really loved her and that she mattered.

a lot of work, but some folks are worth it

I did manage to make about 140 dumplings and saved some for our dinner. Kell will be happy to know that I tried the black vinegar and it tastes wonderful! Thank you! I actually mixed it with soy sauce, a drop of sesame oil, and some XO which I can’t describe to non-Chinese except to say that it is a spicy vegetarian chili condiment (called jan jian). My mom called tonight and I asked her if she was familiar with Black Vinegar and she said, “Hei Tsu? Of course, don’t you know Black Vinegar? It’s Hei Tsu!” Okay, we never had it growing up. Mom seems to think I was born with all of her memories of Taiwan. Sheesh. I told her I had a bottle that a friend shipped to me from Australia and she said, “So expensive to ship! You shouldn’t make your friend do that - you can find it at any chinese store!”

I slept poorly last night. This morning we went to the store and got some fruit and ingredients. I made a coffee cake, sliced the fruit, and we took it over to the neighbors’ before leaving for work. Work was weird. I learned more of the gruesome circumstances of the accident. Hard to concentrate. After work I picked up groceries and as soon as we got home, I set to work making baklava and a pot roast.

we took baklava over tonight, tomorrow we’ll bring real food

from last night’s culinary excursions: flatbread

house salami, pate, and salmon mousse spread

I just need to emphasize how awesome Community Night is. Sam and Jeremy will both back me up on this. Here, just look at some more beautiful food. This isn’t even all of it.

duck confit with polenta

delicate calamari in a tangy cream sauce

hamming it up with the beans

Tomorrow I telecommute and I’ll be simultaneously defatting the pot roast, making mashies, potstickers, and possibly baking brownies to take next door. Not sure what else to do. This is what I do when I’m stressed, I cook. This is something I can do to let people know I care - feed them. So tired. It definitely puts things in perspective… but honestly, I felt I had perspective after Kris was killed. I didn’t need more, and certainly not at this price. I feel so sad for Marcus and the kids.

Jeremy called me this evening at work just as I was getting ready to go pick up Sam. There was an accident out by my work earlier this morning.

Our neighbor was killed.

I was numb and sick and sad all at once. No. How could this happen? We weren’t sure what to do because it was Sam’s first night in Boulder from out of town and we had arranged to take her to Comm Night. We didn’t want to bail on her, but we definitely wanted to be there for Marcus. We agreed that there would be a huge number of family and friends there immediately, so we took Sam to dinner and drove straight home after dropping her off at her hotel.

Our dinner with Sam was terrific. It was really nice to finally meet in person and spend time getting to know one another - especially over awesome food and wine. We paced ourselves this time and managed to come away from dinner satisfied, but not bursting at the seams. A small sampling of what we were served tonight:

ahi tuna tartar

sam digs into the pancetta-wrapped seared scallops

a bowl of tiramisu the size of a punch bowl

It will be difficult to sleep tonight - haunted by tragedies both old and new.

linnea, you will be missed