use real butter

lemon petits fours glacés

The last time I participated in a cancer-related food blogging event was for the Boobie Bake Off. I hate the color pink. I really do. All of my life I have fought the girly-girl look and pink was pretty central to being a girly-girl in my mind. But I could overlook that aversion for a good cause. What a hoot when a month after the Boobie Bake Off, I was diagnosed with… you guessed it - Boobie Cancer aka breast cancer at age 36. WTF, right?

W.T.F., indeed.

The news was more of a shock for others than for myself. Some folks reacted as if I had died while others assured me that I’d get through this, no problem. Still others said nothing and some said too much. The two best things I was told: “Love you. Anything you need,” [Sam(antha)] and “We’ll do this together,” [Jeremy].

slicing the sheet of lemon chiffon cake

As my regular readers know, I am undergoing my chemo treatment now. My oncologist is a very sweet man who reminds me of Captain Kangaroo. He poisons me every three weeks - he even got me on Valentine’s Day. But he tells me that I’m going to be okay. I would like to believe him.

I don’t blame anyone. I don’t pity myself. I don’t want pity. Cancer blows, but I know there can be worse in life (um, my PhD comes to mind). Reading this blog, it looks like I’ve been a total ski whore during my chemo, but I fight hard for my good days. I put my carcass on the treadmill, the bike, the rower and work my ass off as soon as I can walk again after each chemo even though it hurts in ways I never knew I could hurt. I work to take back my body, keep my mind sane, and maintain a positive attitude. I bounce back and feel great and then I get hit again and it gets harder each time. I don’t drag you guys through my personal hell because… it’s mine and it’s personal and you might stop reading :)

layering buttercream then lemon curd

The first time I met with my surgeon to have the lump biopsied, he was sure it was some sort of cyst. I asked if I could sign up for a women’s telemark ski program. He said to go ahead and do it. When he called me a week later to tell me the results were cancer, my mind wandered to the ski program. I’d have to withdraw. But eventually I decided not to. I decided I needed that program as long as I could physically participate. With the cooperation of my surgeon and anesthesiologist and oncologist, I missed only one out of six classes. One morning, while waiting for my advanced group to show up at the lifts, I was chatting with some of the ladies in the intermediate group. Someone, we’ll call her Leslie, learned I had breast cancer and she said, “I have lumps in my breasts.” Another woman chimed in, “I have lumpy breasts too.” Leslie corrected, “No, I have lumps in my breasts.” Turns out she’s had these for years and she was too afraid to see a doctor because… because she didn’t want to know. I wanted to cry. I wanted to take her by the hand and drive her to my surgeon and have him take care of her the way he took care of me. At the same time, I couldn’t whole-heartedly recommend chemo (freaking chemo…) - couldn’t tell her it’s great and she’ll be fine and it’ll be worth it. I encouraged her to see a physician, to please see someone about the lumps. Please. I don’t know if my words had any impact, but she thanked me before she got on the lift and I never ran into her again.

brushing limoncello simple syrup

If I make it through my treatments, will I call myself a cancer survivor?

No. I’ll not don the cancer survivor label because I don’t believe in letting cancer define me as an individual. I know a lot of folks who were diagnosed with cancer said it changed their lives. I don’t doubt that it did. Cancer has royally inconvenienced me, but I have been through tragedy boot camp before. I suppose that prepared me to deal with cancer better than I would have otherwise. So instead of calling myself a cancer survivor, I think I will say that I kicked cancer’s ass. I accept that cancer could come back and kick MY ass. One way or another, one of our asses is getting wupped. I’m hoping medicine will get its act together in due time so that I will be the one to serve up the final can of Cream of Whoopass Soup should it come to that.

glazing with poured fondant

A Taste of Yellow is an event hosted by Barbara of Winos and Foodies in support of LiveSTRONG Day which is on May 13 this year. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to participate since the deadline was so close to one of my chemo days, but I managed to pull it off today. I’m not blogging this entry for me…

It took me all day to make these petits fours. While I folded the batter for the chiffon cake, I thought of Leslie. As the lemon curd thickened, I recalled the kind words of support from loved ones. Okay, I swore like a sailor when I glazed the darn things, but these tiny bites are made with hope, thanks, and love. These petits fours are for Leslie, for Jeremy, for friends, family, my doctors and nurses, my readers, for anyone touched by cancer. Live life. Live Strong. The Soup du Jour: Cream of Whoopass Soup.

a small bite with big meaning

Lemon Petits Fours Glacés

1/2 sheet chiffon cake
2 cups lemon swiss meringue buttercream
1 cup lemon curd
1 cup limoncello simple syrup
poured fondant icing
blackberries and lemon zest for garnish

chiffon cake
makes 2 11×17 sheets or 2 9×3 rounds (you need only 1/2 of one sheet)
this recipe originally intended for baking at 5300 ft.

14.5 oz cake flour
8.75 oz confectioner’s sugar
6.75 oz whole milk
6 oz canola oil
3.25 oz eggs
0.5 oz baking powder (omitted at 8500 ft.)
13 oz egg whites
9.5 oz granulated sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
3-4 oz lemon juice

Oven 375F. Prep pan by buttering bottom and sides. Place parchment in pan and butter the parchment. Sift dry ingredients (except granulated sugar) into a large bowl. Mix all ingredients (except the 13 oz of egg whites and granulated sugar) in the large bowl until combined. Whip whites and granulated sugar to medium peaks. Fold into batter gently. Bake until set, about 20-25 minutes. Remove from oven and remove from pan. Let cool on a rack. Cut one sheet in half. Wrap the other half and the other full sheet for other use. With a large serrated knife, cut the cake into two layers.

lemon swiss meringue buttercream
makes about 2 cups

4 oz egg whites
8 oz sugar
1/2 lb butter, room temperature
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
3 oz lemon juice

Combine egg whites and sugar in a Kitchenaid mixing bowl. Whisk constantly over a bain marie until 140F is reached. Place on mixer with whisk and whip until stiff. Turn down whip speed to 3rd and whip until cool to the touch (this takes a while - should be cooler than your hand). Change to a paddle and gradually add soft butter by tablespoon pieces. Mix to emulsify. Once desired consistency has been reached, add vanilla and lemon juice.

lemon curd
makes 3.5 cups

6 oz fresh lemon juice, strained
9 oz sugar
3 oz butter
3 oz heavy cream
6 eggs
1 tbsp fine lemon zest
pinch of salt

Boil lemon juice, sugar, butter, salt, and heavy cream in a saucepan. Place eggs in a bowl and whisk to loosen up the whites and yolks. Temper hot lemon mixture into eggs. Add mixture back into saucepan and bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring constantly until thickened and nappé consistency. It should be quite thick or else it will be too runny in the final product. Strain, add zest, and stir. Place plastic wrap directly on curd and cool over an ice bath. Refrigerate when chilled. Can be frozen for up to 4-6 months.

limoncello simple syrup

4 oz sugar
4 oz water
2 oz limoncello

Heat water and sugar in a pot until sugar is dissolved. Bring to boil and turn off heat. Let cool. Mix in limoncello.

poured fondant icing

4.5 cups confectioner’s sugar
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup light corn syrup
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp lemon extract
drop of yellow food coloring (optional)

Combine all in double boiler except coloring. Heat until lukewarm. Remove from heat and stir in food coloring. Ladle over petits fours.

assembly
Set first cake layer on a sheet of wax paper on a cutting board. Use a pastry brush to apply the limoncello simple syrup to the layer. Spread a layer of buttercream frosting, then carefully spread a layer of lemon curd on top. Set the second layer of cake on top and brush with more simple syrup. Using a ruler and a good sharp serrated knife, cut the cake into 1×1 inch squares. Place the squares on a rack over a pan or wax paper (to catch the drips) with enough space between each square for glazing. Take warm glaze and pour over the squares. Garnish and serve.

That’s right, we got more snow over the weekend. *gush* We made a go of Breckenridge for one last time Sunday. I do believe this will be the end of our resort season unless A-basin gets miraculous dumps in a few weeks. Temperatures are warming up (although they are forecasting snow later this week - but I’ll be getting chemo’d) and the snow is starting to feel heavy… like the stuff that falls on the west coast. We powder snobs are feeling a bit put out with the “Sierra Concrete” the warm weather is generating. It’s not even Sierra Concrete anymore… it’s turning to slush.

bye bye breck

After we got back from skiing, we grabbed my photo gear and went over to shoot some flies. Our good friends are phenomenal anglers who also guide. I’ve been wanting to shoot Tom tying flies for over a year now and finally got a weekend when we were all in town (they fish ALL the time). Tom has studied what fish love to eat down to the time of day for a given season. The man knows.

mmmm, shrimp

amazingly complex for something so tiny

scooty chillin’ out nearby

You should check out their website: Green Drake Anglers, especially if you love to fish and want The Best Guides. I should add that Kellie can outfish *anyone*. The woman is Badass.

Today I was down in Boulder for lunch at Aji’s with a tele bud and then to run some errands. It was 75F in town, but it felt like 105F to me. Oh.my.god. I know in a month or so I’ll be used to it just like I got used to 12F on the slopes. But for now, it felt like Evil Genius Mastermind had pointed the Evil Hot Ray O’ Death at Boulder. There was a lot of swearing.

i had the posole, but i should have asked for a bucket of ice for lunch instead

Now, my dear Graeme recently posted some brilliant chicken chimichangas on his blog after much badgering from the rest of us. I felt inspired this evening and grabbed some carne adovada from my freezer to make my own mini chimichangas.

roll with carne adovada and some cheddar

Yeah, we have orange cheddar again - Jeremy balked at paying double for white cheddar. I still prefer white cheddar, so get off my case. Why mini chimis? I like small foods and it’s nigh impossible to polish off the burrito-sized chimis. I bought fajita-sized flour tortillas for these little dudes.

cute and little

I secured the buggers with toothpicks because the first one I fried unraveled in the oil and made a fabulous mess. The rest were rather well-behaved, deeply-fried, and deliciously-golden.

dressed with enchilada sauce and a dollop of guacamole

For me, the chimichanga is a throwback to ye olde days of ChiChi’s, that faux Mexican restaurant chain that graced southeastern Virginia in my youth. After living in Southern California for ten years and hitching my wagon to a native New Mexican, it seems I’ve come full circle to return to my white trash roots.

delish

Mini Chimichangas

12 fajita-sized flour tortillas
2 cups carne adovada
2 cups cheddar cheese, shredded
vegetable oil (for frying)
toothpicks

Warm the tortillas so they are pliable. Heat enough oil in a pan on high heat to deep fry the chimichangas. Place 2 tbsp of meat and 1 tbsp of cheese in the center of a tortilla and fold the sides in. Roll from one end to the other, tucking the filling in as you roll. Pierce a toothpick through the folded end to secure the tortilla. Fry the chimichanga for about a minute a side or until golden brown. Remove from oil and drain on paper towels. Serve hot with enchilada sauce.

I don’t have a beef with winter. Nor do I have a beef with spring when it turns the trees in my front yard into this:

these are my kind of april showers

I got my turns in today. There were ten fresh inches of powder at the local hill. Spring has been good to me.

jeremy discusses which run to ski next

chicks kick ass

Meme time again. Isa tagged me for a meme which is cute, but apparently doesn’t have a name. I’m going to dub it the “six words to describe me” meme. Here are the rules:

- Write your own six-word memoir;
- Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like;
- Link to the person who tagged you in your post;
- Tag five more blogs with links;
- Remember to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

six words
practical
realistic
friendly
active
curious
motivated

visual
I found some pictures of me with long hair… or any hair for that matter.

Instead of tagging five more blogs, I’m just going to tag anyone who wants to do this meme because I’m too lazy to look up the links and comment on their blogs. So much for motivated! *snort*

Yes, there is actually a recipe in here. One of the first things I learned to cook was Chinese stir-fried flank steak. I was a teenager and one evening, my mother looked at me and realized I was going to leave home for college some day. She ordered me to come watch her make this dish. While she deftly whipped it together, she told me she didn’t want me to starve when I left home. Obviously she had never heard of the freshman 15.

slice the flank steak against the grain

add cornstarch, soy sauce, and sesame oil

Despite being the first and one of the easiest Chinese dishes I learned to cook, this one reliably pleases the crowds. I always use flank steak. The cut of meat they use to sell pre-cut stir-fry beef in grocery stores is awful. It’s too tough and you should avoid it like the plague unless you intend to slow cook it (which isn’t stir-fry). On occasion, my parents will use filet mignon for their stir-fry. That is because they are made of money and I am not.

garlic, green onions, and the flank steak mixed with sauce ingredients

The trick is to have a hot sauté pan. I don’t own a wok. I never have. I make plenty of great Chinese dishes and you’d never know I used some crappy non-stick pan to cook it all. I’ll get a wok one day, but it’s not a huge priority right now.

toss the green onions and garlic into the hot oil

sauté the beef

I like to remove the beef from the pan when it is still pink in the center. Because it’s so thin and still hot, it will continue to cook after you’ve taken it off the burner. This helps keep it pretty tender. Then again, I like my beef mooing. The point is that you don’t need to cook it to death, but be sure to serve it immediately because it doesn’t retain heat for long.

serve on a bed of greens like sautéed spinach

best eaten hot

Chinese Stir-Fried Flank Steak

1 lb flank steak (can be frozen for an hour for easier slicing)
3 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
3 stalks green onion, cut into 1-inch pieces
3 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp sesame oil
2 tsp cornstarch
2 tbsp vegetable oil

Slice flank steak on the diagonal against the grain into thin pieces. In a bowl, mix the flank steak, soy sauce, sesame oil, and cornstarch together until beef is well coated. Heat the vegetable oil in a sauté pan on high heat. Toss in the garlic and green onion and stir-fry until fragrant. Add the beef and stir-fry constantly to ensure even cooking of the beef. When the beef is cooked with hints of pink, remove from heat. Serve on a bed of cooked greens (bok choy, broccoli, spinach, kale, etc.).