use real butter

a slice of lemon mirror cake: my click entry

I thought that when my chemo was over, I would resume my life more or less the way I was before chemo. I will be the first to point out that how I feel now is a million times better than how I felt during chemo - so this is a good thing. While my ideas and enthusiasm are nearly on par with what they are normally, the reality is that my carcass is still playing catch up for a variety of reasons (complications, unexpected lingering side-effects, etc.). Add to that the daily radiation treatments that cut right into the middle of the day and I find I am not getting to all of the items on my ginormous to-do list.

let’s make some lemon mousse

It’s okay. I have learned to accept these setbacks and make the best of it. The tagline on my personal blog reads “things don’t always go as planned” which is funny, because I coined that one before I was diagnosed. But it’s a good concept to keep in mind and I feel that it keeps me on my toes, keeps me from feeling “entitled” and allows me to maneuver through life with greater flexibility… greater happiness.

brushing soaking syrup onto the chiffon cake

I still have trouble in the kitchen because my left arm and left hand are experiencing problems including pain, numbness, and weakness. While I’m right-handed, any avid cook knows that you use BOTH hands when cooking or baking. But some things can’t wait and I feel happier overall when I can get into the kitchen and create something.

layering the mousse

After I had contacted Bee about contributing a prize for Bri’s fundraiser, she encouraged me to enter the CLICK photo competition for June. The theme: yellow. Ah yes, that damn cancer thing. Pink for breast cancer (I hate pink) and yellow for cancer (I don’t love yellow but I do hate cancer). It’s not that I wanted to enter the contest so much as I wanted to show my support for Bri. If you think you’re tired of hearing and reading about cancer, try having cancer… that gets old pretty fast.

pouring the mirror

What I realized while I made the cake was that it was very much like my own experience with cancer. I usually have a grand plan in my head for pastries I want to make. I think about it for as little as a few minutes to as much as a couple of weeks - planning flavors, textures, components, shape, presentation. I have *expectations* and then I play it out. I used to execute most of my baking plans with good effort and great success. But this time things were slower. Folding whipped cream into lemon curd hurt my hand. Washing dishes that I needed burned my tender skin. My strength and balance were a little off so that I bumped the mold against the wall of the fridge, spilling liquid gelatin over the top. All of that control I had commanded before… lost for now. It no longer became a matter of what shots I would get, but if I could manage a damn cake at all.

the mirror is set

After my surgery, but before my chemo, I thought I’d push through the treatment like I push through everything else in life - with determination and gusto. I had high expectations and a good attitude. Things were off to a decent start as I could still run a 5K after the first infusion and remain active and upbeat. However, the four and a half months chipped away at me with complications that were unforseen, side-effects harsh enough to knock a horse on its ass, and the reality that mine was not going to be an easy peasy treatment. I learned a lot about myself and my limits this year. I had a pretty good idea to begin with, but I have a deeper understanding now. I think that is a positive. I’m accepting that there are aspects in life that I cannot bulldoze through in my usual way and sometimes we have to make due with less than ideal - but we can still be happy.

Driving up the canyon on my way home the other day, I thought to myself how wonderful it was to be alive right then and there. To see the sun glistening off the pine forests, smell the canyon air, feel that lovely breeze cooling on my face - to be able to smile. As in chemo, as in baking, as in life… many of us persevere the crap to get to the reward on the other side. I suppose for me, the journey alone is reward in and of itself.

lemon mirror cake with raspberry coulis

Lemon Mirror Cake

1 sheet or 1 round lemon chiffon cake (1/2 recipe)
lemon mousse
limoncello soaking syrup
lemon mirror

lemon mousse
2 1/2 tsp powdered gelatin
2 oz fresh lemon juice
10 oz heavy cream (medium peaks)
8 oz lemon curd, freshly made or warmed
1 oz light corn syrup
1/2 tsp lemon extract

Bloom gelatin in lemon juice then melt it to 100°F. Whip the heavy cream to medium peaks. Cover and put in refrigerator. Blend together the warm curd with the corn syrup and the lemon extract, stirring with a whisk. Add the melted gelatin to the curd. Strain and cool the mixture to 70°F. Temper 1/2 of the whipped cream into the curd mixture. Fold in remaining whipped cream. Immediately use the mousse, cover and refrigerate until set.

lemon mirror
1 1/2 cups lemonade, strained
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tbsp limoncello
1 tbsp water
1 tbsp unflavored gelatin
1 drop yellow food coloring

Place lemon juice, limoncello, and water in a small bowl. Sprinkle gelatin over this mixture; set aside until spongy and soft. Heat lemonade in a pan until it simmers and pour over gelatin mixture. Stir to dissolve gelatin. Stir in the yellow food coloring. Place bowl over ice bath and stir occasionally until the mixture is syrupy.

Assembly: Place ring mold on foil base. Cut the cake into two slices for the shape of the mold or pan you are using. Set the first slice down in the ring mold and brush with half of the soaking syrup. Pour half of the mousse on top of the cake layer. Set the second cake layer over the mousse and soak with remaining syrup. Pour the rest of the mousse on top and smooth the surface. Refrigerate until the mousse is set. Remove from refrigerator and pour mirror on top and return to the refrigerator until gelatin is set. Unmold and serve.

To my Darling Daring Bakers: I made the cake yesterday and planned to have a post up by this morning, but I got really sick. I’m just posting the final pic and I will have the rest up at a later time. I am off to the ER. I’m sorry!! xxoo, jen

Update: May 30, 2008
I’m back, kids! Sorry to worry everyone. I had a 48+ hour bout of seriously bad stomach juju with fever to boot. Oncology doesn’t like fever+chemo (no one seemed all that concerned with my debilitating stomach cramps) and sent me to the ER to check for infection. I mean, wouldn’t it suck to finish 6 rounds of the toughest chemo regimen on tap only to die of some damn secondary infection at the very end? That answer would be a resounding hell yeah.

So thanks for all of the wonderful and kind comments you have left. It wasn’t my intention to stress you happy bakers out.

the daring bakers: we knead to bake

As most of you have figured out, I *am* a Daring Baker. Daring Bakers kick ass and they are also spreading like a virus through the food blogosphere. If you aren’t a Daring Baker (all two of you who are left) then you will be assimilated soon enough… oh yes… you will be. This month’s challenge is: The Opera Cake. Our hosts for the challenge are our beloved Daring Bakers’ founders Lis (La Mia Cucina) and Ivonne (Cream Puffs in Venice), and two of our newer DB members Fran (Apple Peaches Pumpkin Pie) and Shea (Whiskful). You can scope out all of the gorgeous Opera Cakes at the rest of the Daring Bakers’ blogs on the blogroll. Thank you, ladies!

ground almonds are the base of the jaconde

Now I, like my fellow kickass betty, Peabody, was very excited to see the May challenge was L’Opéra. And I, like my fellow kickass betty, Peabody, swore when I read that it couldn’t be dark. Not morbid, mind you, but dark as in chocolate or coffee or cocoa. I have trouble thinking of an opera cake that doesn’t have that fantabulous dark chocolate glaze and tantalizing layers. Okay, but I’m a sport… mostly. I hemmed and hawed for several weeks over what flavors to select because honestly, I detest white chocolate.

folding in the whites

I left the jaconde with an almond base as I had never tried it before - plus I am a huge fan of almonds. That was simple enough and came together as easily as a chiffon cake.

pour the batter

The first sign of trouble came when I decided to follow the instructions and bake both of my jelly roll pans in the oven at the same time. My oven is not an equal opportunity baker in that the bottom pan burned its base before the top pan even set. Surprisingly unphased, I decided to halve the recipe upon removing the cake from the oven. For the buttercream recipe, I resorted to my favorite Swiss meringue buttercream recipe, because it never fails me and we were given the freedom to make this substitution. I made a half batch and flavored it with Frangelico and a heaping tablespoon of hazelnut butter (from Whole Foods).

hazelnutty!

I flavored the simple syrup with Frangelico as well. My original plan was to have an orange-flavored (Grand Marnier) white chocolate mousse for my top layer, because I rather liked the combination of hazelnut and orange in this brittle. That tanked because my white chocolate separated too much (my fault - heat was too high) and the mousse never firmed up, insisting on remaining the consistency of vomit. Just reinforcing my already pissy feelings for white chocolate.

applying the simple syrup

I left the glaze as a white chocolate ganache. In hindsight, I should have flavored it with orange and probably should have spread it as thin as humanly possible the way Tartelette did (she’s brilliant, no?). I just cannot stand the stuff. It’s too sweet and I feel it hijacks the other more subtle and pleasant flavors of the cake. Damn you, white chocolate!

glazing

I haven’t eaten the cake proper, only tasted the trimmings from the edges. I find the glaze to be narsty, but the rest of the cake is wonderful once you scrape the glaze off. Would I make this again? Not a white version and certainly not one with white chocolate, but I would most definitely go for a classic version with a twist.

hazelnut and white chocolate opera cake

Opera Cake
based on recipes in Dorie Greenspan’s Paris Sweets and Tish Boyle and Timothy Moriarty’s Chocolate Passion
full recipe

jaconde
6 large egg whites, at room temperature
2 tbsp (30 g) granulated sugar
2 cups (225 g) ground blanched almonds
2 cups icing sugar, sifted
6 large eggs
½ cup (70 g) all-purpose flour
3 tbsp (1½ oz; 45 g) unsalted butter, melted and cooled

Divide the oven into thirds by positioning a rack in the upper third of the oven and the lower third of the oven. Preheat the oven to 425F. (220C). Line two 12½ x 15½- inch (31 x 39-cm) jelly-roll pans with parchment paper and brush with melted butter. In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment (or using a handheld mixer), beat the egg whites until they form soft peaks. Add the granulated sugar and beat until the peaks are stiff and glossy. If you do not have another mixer bowl, gently scrape the meringue into another bowl and set aside. If you only have one bowl, wash it after removing the egg whites or if you have a second bowl, use that one. Attach the paddle attachment to the stand mixer (or using a handheld mixer again) and beat the almonds, icing sugar and eggs on medium speed until light and voluminous, about 3 minutes. Add the flour and beat on low speed until the flour is just combined (be very careful not to overmix here!!!). Using a rubber spatula, gently fold the meringue into the almond mixture and then fold in the melted butter. Divide the batter between the pans and spread it evenly to cover the entire surface of each pan. Bake the cake layers until they are lightly browned and just springy to the touch. This could take anywhere from 5 to 9 minutes depending on your oven. Place one jelly-roll pan in the middle of the oven and the second jelly-roll pan in the bottom third of the oven. Put the pans on a heatproof counter and run a sharp knife along the edges of the cake to loosen it from the pan. Cover each with a sheet of parchment or wax paper, turn the pans over, and unmold. Carefully peel away the parchment, then turn the parchment over and use it to cover the cakes. Let the cakes cool to room temperature.

syrup
1/2 cup (125 g) water
1/3 cup (65 g) granulated sugar
1-2 tbsp flavoring of your choice (i.e., vanilla extract, almond extract, cognac, limoncello, coconut cream, honey etc.)

Stir all the syrup ingredients together in the saucepan and bring to a boil. Remove from the heat and let cool to room temperature.

hazelnut buttercream
8 oz egg whites
16 oz sugar
1 lb butter, room temperature
2 tbsp Frangelico
2 tbsp hazelnut butter

Combine egg whites and sugar in a Kitchenaid mixing bowl. Whisk constantly over a bain marie until 140F is reached. Place on mixer with whisk and whip until stiff. Turn down whip speed to 3rd and whip until cool to the touch (this takes a while - should be cooler than your hand). Change to a paddle and gradually add soft butter by tablespoon pieces. Mix to emulsify. Once desired consistency has been reached, add flavorings and beat until incorporated.

glaze
14 oz white chocolate, coarsely chopped
1/2 cup heavy cream (35% cream)

Melt the white chocolate with the heavy cream. Whisk the mixture gently until smooth. Let cool for 10 minutes and then pour over the chilled cake. Using a long metal cake spatula, smooth out into an even layer. Place the cake into the refrigerator for 30 minutes to set.

Assembling the Opera Cake:
Note: The finished cake should be served slightly chilled. It can be kept in the refrigerator for up to 1 day.

Line a baking sheet with parchment or wax paper. Working with one sheet of cake at a time, cut and trim each sheet so that you have two pieces (from each cake so you’ll have four pieces in total): one 10-inch (25-cm) square and one 10 x 5-inch (25 x 12½-cm) rectangle. Place one square of cake on the baking sheet and moisten it gently with the flavoured syrup. Spread about one-third of the buttercream over this layer. Top with the two rectangular pieces of cake, placing them side by side to form a square. Moisten these pieces with the flavoured syrup. Spread another third of the buttercream on the cake and then top with the third square of joconde. Use the remaining syrup to wet the joconde. Spread the remaining buttercream on top of the final layer of joconde and then refrigerate until very firm (at least half an hour). Make the glaze and after it has cooled, pour/spread it over the top of the chilled cake. Refrigerate the cake again to set the glaze. Serve the cake slightly chilled. This recipe will yield approximately 20 servings.

Well I am a bleeping idiot. I spent so much time fussing over the making of this cake that I didn’t read the last bit through and now I’m waiting for the glaze to crystallize the way it was supposed to. I guess you will find out by the end of the post if it worked out or not!

lemon and orange zest

While flipping through some of my old cookbooks, I was struck by the recipes that appeal to me today as opposed to the recipes that appealed to me three years ago. Funny how our tastes and preferences change as we cooks and bakers evolve… perhaps I dare use the word mature? Nah, screw that!

whisking eggs and vanilla

Lately I’ve had orange on the brain. Don’t worry, I will get around to my chocolate bundt cake experiment soon enough, but not until I’m out of the chemo forest (5 more days, technically). So this recipe for Crystal Almond Pound Cake from Flo Braker’s The Simple Art of Perfect Baking struck my fancy because it has orange and lemon in it.

almond paste and sugar

Each effort to bake the cake this week was thwarted. Fatigue, then no oranges, then no almond paste, then medical appointments up the wahzoo… When I finally got around to making it today, I read through the directions and thought they were a tad fussy. I mean, I really love cake recipes that read: mix everything together and dump it in the pan to bake. These instructions were more picky in the way that hints at disaster if you should deviate in the slightest.

stir in the zest

Flo has her reasons for the specific instructions and I followed them exactly while thoughts of dumping everything together all at once tickled the far corners of my brain. I didn’t make any adjustments to the recipe since the first rule of high-altitude baking is to leave the recipe as is just in case it works.

batter in

But it didn’t work. The damn thing cratered because the cake structure was too weak to support itself during the rise. I read on a high-altitude baking forum (after the fact) that I should use all-purpose flour instead of cake flour because the cake flour doesn’t have enough protein for structural support at this elevation. Great. You know, I’ve used cake flour successfully on just about every other recipe I’ve baked with. But that’s okay, because the cake still tasted fantastic.

glazing the cake

It wasn’t okay though, because in my impatience, I hurriedly glazed my “tunnel of nothing” cake and then sent Jeremy to the neighbors’ house with half of it. I overlooked the part of the recipe that said to wait 4 hours until the glaze crystallized. Aesthetics… aesthetics… The simple art of perfect baking really hinges on not being an impatient dipshit.

While I was catching up on some of my favorite blogs, I noticed that my dear Helen made mention of hosting Sugar High Friday… and citrus. I have never participated in SHFs, founded by Jennifer, The Domestic Goddess. These days, I can barely keep up with the Daring Bakers as it is. Imagine my dumb luck to have baked a citrusy, sweet something the day before the SHF citrus deadline. So this is my SHF submission and after waiting 4 hours, I see the cake looks the same as it did (more or less) 4 hours ago. Okay, whatever… It tastes Damn Good with a moist and dense crumb that mingles almond and citrus in a deceptively light flavor. I say deceptive because it contains a half pound of butter.

slice of sunshine

Crystal Almond Pound Cake
The Simple Art of Perfect Baking by Flo Braker

3/4 cup (75 g) sifted cake flour (use all-purpose flour at high elevation)
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/8 tsp salt
1 lemon, zest of
1 orange, zest of
5 large eggs, room temperature
1 tsp vanilla
7 oz (3/4 cup) almond paste, room temperature
1 cup (200 g) granulated sugar
8 oz (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature

citrus glaze
3 tbsp lemon juice
3 tbsp orange juice
3/4 cup (150 g) granulated sugar

Position rack in lower third of oven; preheat to 350°F. Grease the bottom and sides of a 8.5 inch tube pan or other 7- to 8-cup decorative baking pan with solid shortening. Dust generously with all-purpose flour, tilt to coat evenly and tap out the excess.

Pour the flour, baking powder, and salt in that order into a triple sifter. Sift onto a sheet of waxed paper to distribute the ingredients evenly; set aside. Grate lemon and orange rinds for the zests; set aside. Crack eggs into a small bowl and add the vanilla. Whisk together briefly just to combine yolks and whites. Place the almond paste in the bowl of a heavy-duty mixer.

With the paddle attachment on low speed (#2), break up the almond past for about 30 seconds. Maintaining the same speed, slowly add the 1 cup of sugar in a steady stream and beat until incorporated (if you add the sugar too quickly, the almond paste jumps out of the mixing bowl). Continue on low speed while adding the butter one tablespoon at a time, taking about 1 minute. Stop the machine after all of the butter has been added, and scrape the sides of the bowl. Increase speed to medium and cream until the mixture is lighter in color and fluffy in appearance (about 3 to 4 minutes).

With mixer still on medium speed, pour the egg mixture in a little at a time (tablespoon by tablespoon). Don’t add more egg until the previous addition has been incorporated into the batter. If the batter gets too watery or shiny, increase the speed until it is smooth and silky, then return to medium speed and resume adding egg mixture. Continue mixing, stopping to scrape the sides of the bowl at least once. When batter is fluffy, velvety, and white (mine was always beige), and has increased in volume (after about 2-3 minutes), detach the beater from the bowl.

Use a rubber spatula to stir in the zests. Stir in half of the flour mixture until incorporated. Then stir in the other half, mixing until smooth. Pour the batter into the pan and bake for 45-50 minutes or until the sides begin to contract from the sides of the pan, the cake springs back when lightly touched and a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Place the cake on a rack to cool for 5 to 7 minutes. Mix the glaze ingredients together in a small bowl. Turn the cake out of the pan onto a cooling rack (take care that it isn’t stuck - loosen with a metal spatula if necessary) positioned over a baking sheet to catch drips. Brush the entire surface of the cake with all of the glaze. Let the cake sit for at least 4 hours or until the glaze has set like a sheet of crystals (oops, I didn’t do this) before moving it from the cooling rack to a plate. Serve at room temperature.